CUT ME GENTLY

Sat, 24 May 2008 01:23:56 GMT

for the first time in 6 years
i finally quit smoking

walkin on down to the burrial ground its a very old dance with a merry old sound

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 07:41:47 GMT

i can't wait to leave thisss placeee
after all my hard work
and staying up here for stupid bs
im exactly where i started
i've gained nothing
and lost too much

march 2
no matter what
money or no money
ill be down
living with my grandma for now

i cant wait to be sane again

walkin on down to the burial ground, its a very old dance, with a merry old sound

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 09:09:27 GMT

its weird
i've made so many friends up here
but i couldnt be more lonely

this place is really taking a toll
on me
new york is starting to drain away my spirit
and what the fuck else do i have besides that.

the second the summer hits
ill be home again

i just cant fit in here
its too fast, people are too mean,
its entirely too chold
theres not enough clear water
and i dont wanna become a bitter person
florida's where i need to be
we like being 4 steps behind
i like being at the beach
all day everyday
before work and after work
it kept me sane

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 19:58:31 GMT

sooooooo every weekend since i started working at applebees, we get out around 2 in the morning, either go to the bar or smoke mad blunts and do stupid shit like hot wire tractors and such

but last night i would have to say i over did it.
my second time ever throwing up from drinking was
at a party of all applebees people (cuase we all
seclude ourselves from anyone else over the weekends)
and i was on the 7th shot and i did tell everyone
i shouldnt take this last shot but they were
like noo u got this doo it... so 3 more shots
later i was with some poeple having sexay fun
and someone freaked out and thats when my
body decided it was time :(

but n e ways DISCO BISCUITS TOMORROW!
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE
I HOPE EVERYONE IS GONNA BE AS
FUCKED UP AS I WILL BE!

<3

Matt

Sat, 27 Oct 2007 15:24:59 GMT

<3 :(

i miss my best friend :(

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 15:22:49 GMT

house to self for a week

summer is so refreshing

party hard :D

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 04:21:50 GMT

well i started off here alone
i might as well leave here alone
but i will leave with the good times in
mind, where ever they went anyways.

school ends in 2 days.
i cant fking wait to get outta here

so all you orlando dwellers
ill see you in 3 weeks

TATS!

Wed, 23 May 2007 01:36:47 GMT

I gots my peace doves finally :D

there kinda blury, but when i stop taking bad pictures ill post clearer ones :)

and yes i am aware i'm wearing a norma jean shirt with a peace sign necklace nad doves lolzolzzolzozl.

Fri, 18 May 2007 13:27:54 GMT

tomorrows my birthday!!!
wohooooo!!!!

popopopopoooop.

Mon, 07 May 2007 17:40:37 GMT

this month was suppost to be the best month ever

so far, i got a ticket for speeding and 6 pnts on my lisence
a really bad car accident and it wasnt even my fault
so i dont have to really worry abou the lisence anyways
dads not helping out with rent anymore so im broke
and am gonna have to work my asssss off this summer....

best 18th birthday ever

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 02:33:08 GMT

I'm realizing my patterns.
they need to stop.

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 06:23:08 GMT

4 years ago,
when i thought things were out of control,
i would have never guessed that i would
ever wish i was back there again.

i will always have shit with my family
so i wasted my time stressing about that.
everything was perfect then.
the best friend, the best boyfriend, the grades.

i wish i didnt move
im glad i did move
i cant tell what to think anymore.

all this life has led up to so far
is 3074893757 heart breaks
and 43875983759843 let downs
and 4087578374589 good times
and 39423594 bad times.

i dont know where im going with this
or anything.

i wanna go back to florida
im scared to leave some people here

i know im expectinggg stupid things in florida
i know im expecting stupid things here
i know im making myself not want to go
i know im making myself want to go

when do things get clear again?

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 18:40:21 GMT

This winter break has been fun.

Alexa cameee and we had soo much fun.
i miss her so much.

new years was awesome.
we all drank champaigne when the ball droppped
andddd daniel and i shared a new years kiss :D.

i've been drastically thinking about the fking
future and heres what i came up with.
i didnt get into new paltz or UCF sooo.
im gonna stay up here and live with daniel or matt
and get a job and just work for a year
then move back to floridaaaaaaa and maybe get into
cosmetology.
the future is scary when you have no fking idea
what youll be doing.

every year its been layed out.
summer, school, summer, school.....
now its summmer and I HAVE NO IDEA!.

whatever though. hopefully it all turns out well.

ima go eat some ihoppp with my daniel <3.

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 23:43:08 GMT

AND.
heres alittle reminder of summer.
i misss summmerr!

GRILLZ.

Several things i would enjoy pointing out:
1. dan's face
2. the 40 compared to my face
3. chris's face

.

LZOLZOLZOLZOLZOLZOZOL.

I JUST CANT CAREEE ANYMOREEE

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 00:08:01 GMT

i dont even know where to start.

me and rich have been done for a while.
we dont talk. ever.

i got close to matt and little dan again
me and dan got raelly close lol.
diffrent story though.

my mom knows i smoke and drink and have sex.
its too awkward...
today she foudn this 10 bag i had lost like 3
weeks ago which is super funny cuase i quit
everything friday.... so that ouwld happen.
and she came in and was like.... welll
saying all this shit how she knows ima fk up
and i said how ive been doing shti sicne 7th
grade and its all her fault for tgiving me
a shitty fking childhood
and she said something abitu how she doesnt smoke
weed and cigs and drink... and i was like
WELL YOU SHOULD>>> MAYBE YOU WOULD FKING CHILL OUT
LOALOZLOZLZLZOLZOZOL. amde me giggle.
shes a fkign asshole

and then like 15 mins later she comes up and was
like.... its not like i hate you you know.. and i was
liek wlel you basically jsut called me the biggest failure...
and she goesss "well atleast you cant make anymore mistakes"
liek trying to cover up for it.
this all makes me laugh
i was saying hwo its nto fair that she knows my older bro
does it in college and she doesnt care.... and i wa slike
its so much worse when ur in college cayse you can get kicked
out and get arrested.. and i said.. its better i try and get
over all the experimenting thing now while i wont get
kicked out of anywhrere and while i cant go to jail...
ugh...

SOOOOO
overalll!
i like sex
i like drugs
i like drinking
i love friends
i love food
and i smile way too much
and im happy and not
too much of a mess up

so im fcking finaly content
and im not changing.

im drunk and high and empty.

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 03:14:14 GMT

i hide my tears well
behind smiles.

ive had enough
ive been worn down
and broken down
and im done.

my entire home life is yelling
why should my boyfriend just
add to the list.

i dont do anything wrong
to deserve this 24/7.

im tired of hiding
im tired of tricking myself
about how this is all working
i still care emensley for him
but i cant deal with this anymore

i know this is the first time
anyone from new york has
seen me without a smile
and everyone knows and can see
whats wrong.

so i called for a break
and he just took it
i want to be his friend obviously
but well see how things work.

i was honost
look how far this gets me

im obviosuly heart broken

telling him we need to take a
break was the hardest thing
but i can only be worn down
so much.
this isnt working.]

this love thing sucks
and it seems
love is just a feeling
that apprently goes away
becuse god knows how many
times ive heard love you
and then
yah we need to break up.
when i say i love you i always
mean it and everyone ive
said it too i will awlays love
forever even if
they dont love me back

love is a burden...

he was suppost to call you, waited all night by the fone, you are doing this to yourself

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 12:38:26 GMT

im really tired of stuff.

i figured out when im done with highschool
i just want to leave
and pack light
cause i want to be able to leave whenever
i want
so i only want as many person items that
can fit in a packpack

i dont like my family
there is a good portion of my past
i would love to forget about

so this year better fly by fast
so i can too
and leave this shit behind

bye

her eyes are always open, devoted to prefection.... through silence

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 22:41:01 GMT

SOOOO.

today was the first day of skewl
my odd days will kick so much ass
once i drop enviormental and get
caligraphy? (no idea how to spell that)

im alittle nervous for english tomorrow
just cause i know its gonna be hard with
the term paper and all but w.evs.

AND
today was my first day working at the
toy store! it kicks so much ass. i get
7.50 an hour to sit there and play with
toys and occasionally ring things up.
i love it. theres some really dumb person
who works there and IIII cant even carry
a convo with her cause shes so stupid.
but whatever. still fun :D.

so today was so much better
then i anticipated

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 04:07:51 GMT

Now

Where are you? my gay room

How are you feeling? mad that i cant go camping this weekend

Plans for tonight? went to see my baby, then went to bp with everyone

Plans for tomorrow? hang out, down teh street, sameold thing, i did last week

What are you watching or listening to? ironicaly that 70's show

Last...

night, what did you do? came back from maryland and then smoked and saw snakes on crack

time you laughed? like 5 mins ago when i was with my baby

time you cried? today but from laughing so hard

movie you saw? SNAKES ON A PLANE

person you hugged? richie :DDD

item of clothing you bought? a jacket. a very nice one lol

person you called? maria

person that called you? duffy

Have you ever...

been caught sneaking out? no thankfully

crowd surfed? yes

skinny dipped? yes

started a rumor about someone? nope

How many...

bf/gf's have you had? oh man. its in the teens i think.

concerts have you attended? more then i can count

accidents have you been in? 1

people have you kissed in the last month? 1 :DDDD <3333 YOUUU RICHIEEEEEEE

Favorite...

season? fall

sport to play? basketball but only with my guys

sport to watch? LETS GO MARLINS

class? early release! jk... lunch lol

Random!!

Do you have a job? no but trying to get one desperatly

Ever met someone famous? probably was high and dotn remember doign it, but ill go with yes

Are you involved with someone right now? hell yes and lovin it

What's your favorite item of clothing you own? this shirt im wearign RYT NOW. its so low.

Have you ever had a friend die? thank anyone no

What's the scariest movie you've ever seen? sixth sense

Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? YOU BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR I HAVE

Do you have a crush on anyone from your top 8? yes every single one of them. but the msot richie lol

What's something you want to be when you get older? psychologist

Did you celebrate 4/20? WHO DO U THINK I AM. OF COURSE

Do you play any musical instruments? npoe.

What's the last song you heard? LET EM DROWN PLZ

What are you scared of? bees and heartbreaks

What's your middle name? heather : /

Name someone who shares your birthday. brian !!!!

A favorite quote? BURY YOUR HEAD, ILL HELP YOU BURY YOUR HEADDD

i love

hanging out
down the street
the same old thing
i did last week

with not a thing to do
BUT TALKL TO YOU
were all alright!

i really do love doing that
i love being with richie
he makes me complete
and i love my friends
and this is so fun

but im mad my mom wont
let me go camping with the guys
im actually really dissapointed .
i reallly really wanted to go.
but ima make danny stay home
with me so its okay
and rich is leaving AGAIN.
BOOOOO,

AND. my schedual for senior year
sucks. im dropping 5 classes...
BECAUSE I DIDNT EVEN SIGN UP FOR THEM
OR NEED THEM FOR THAT MATTER.
i was suppost to haev 3 periods
of early release to work.
but here it is

even:
1. fking AP/IB art - cooley. I SUCK AT ART.
2. gym - bove?
3. eng - finn?
4. eng - ^
5. LUNCH - dropping. but good for now cause i have it with cool people
6. AP enviormental - cochrane. WTF. i didnt even sign up for this
7. pastry chef - Kapaun
8. horticulture - Guercia
9. early release

odd:
1. art again - cooley
2. economics - kaminicki
3. ^
4. lucnh
5. enviormental again
6. AND AGAIN! why do i need 3 periods of this?! i didnt even sign up for ONE!
7. pastry chef AGAIN. WTF. i absolutly do NOT needa be eatng this much
8. horticulture AGAIN. WTF MATE.
9. early release.

alright so 6 classes.
which are going to turn
in 3 peiods of fkign early realse
every damn day!

BAHHHH
its nesisary for senior year
to be amamzing
and if these calsses dotn change
iam kick some asss

PEACE

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 04:07:27 GMT

drunk

acid

super high

drunker

super drunker

surprisingly not drunk

now drunk

lovies

friends

ice luge plz

jyll: cracked out "ahhhhhh"
alexa: "YEAHHHHHHHHHHUY"
richie: drunk

had to make a pic update.
my fone just died and
i was talkng to my richie
and now im sad.

i got really REALLY long
hore nails.

tomorrow is my last day before
omishville
were going to the big
roosevelt feild mall
hope i get goodies

today i was in the weirdest mood
at night
im never like not hyper and giddy
but tonight i just wasnt in the mood
to do anything
but we were already out gettting our
damn senior decals to park at skewl
and i dont even get to paint a damn
spot lol.

oh well.
i must leave to open the dooor for
danny in the moring and shower
and get pretty and shit

peaceee

just leave me your wake to remember you by.

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 22:06:11 GMT

richie left today :(((
this weekend is gonna feel
so lonely.

i guess ima go crockidile hunting
with matt and chrisite and eric later.
and i have to be back at 9 today
cause i was 1 minute late last night.
worst night ever to have to be home
early.

BUT christie and i are going to
roosevelt on sunday WOOHOOOO!
shopping is fun but i keep
finding all this great winter
stuff and i need short sleeve stuff
for now but i cant pass that shit up
cuase its not there winter.
sillyness.

next weekend i have to go
to ultra orthodox cousins house
...
enough said.

but this week is funn week
fire island
city
splish splash
all good clean fun
minus the clean part :D.

OKAY.
peaceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 05:00:55 GMT

today was beautiful
everything about today was beautiful

it started off with going to richies
house and running erands for hys grandmas
b day party
it was fun adentures
then we power napped before the party
then everyone started coming
i met all his family
they are lovely people
all very friendly
they seemed like a prefect family
me and rich mingled with everyone
then played with the little kids
it was so much fun
he has the cutest cousins ever
i felt like a kid again for alittle
stayed there till like 9:30
i love spending days with him
he treats me so wonderfully
and im so thankful for him.

then we went to lees house
and dan, christie, lee, andrew, doug,
and later on jeff nad kasey was there
and then MATT CAME CAUSE HES HOME AND I WAS SO FKING
HAPPY TO SEE HIM AGAIN.
it was more fun there.
i loved seeing dan and christie together
i love seeing them both smiling uncontrolably
it was beautiful.
then i called shane to wish him a happy birthday
i was happy to hear him happy tongiht
and i talked to duffy for a bit and met
his cousin and his aunt over the fone lol
they were lovely people too.

all together today jsut made me feel pure
happyness and it was amazing.
it also for some reason
made me appritaite things alot.

im so indecisive about after highschool
im torn between here and florida
i love everyone to death down there
and im inlove with my friends up here too
and its all just so confusing
but i cant start with that now

tomorrow should be as amamzing as today
so im gonna head off to bd now

goodnight all
<33333333333333333333333

pure : Having no faults; happyness: Cheerful; = complete

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 05:48:43 GMT

so im insomniacing again. how fun.

things have been pretty fine around here.
richie makes me very happy
i love being excited to see him after work
its such a refreshingly wonderful relationship.
i hope everything stays amazing.

im happy dan and christie are good and together again
it makes me happy to see them both smile again

i also love the people ive been hanging out with
they are exactly the kinda people i needed up here
they make me happy.

im pretty much very happy

im alittle sick now though
i hate it because i randomly get depressed
which happened to be in stop and shop today
but it went away after alittle so its okay
i just want it to go away. sick makes me sad lol.

this weekend/week should be fun
satUrday: breakfast with richie at STUFF A BAGEL <3
richie's house for his granny's b day lol
SEE MATT CAUSE HES COMING BACK TOMORROW!

sunday: spend the day at richie's house on fire island or ride bikes through the city...
both sound amazing

monday: shopping with la madre
richies house :DDD

tuesday: duffy comes home!
beach with him when he gets back

AND. i got an amazingly awesome flannel shirt for winter
but on teh down side its starting to get chili
which means summer is almost over
which means jyll sad :(.

AND AND. CONGRADULATIONS TO ALL YOU NOVAINIANS WHO WILL BE STARTING
THEIR LAST FIRST DAY OF HIGHSCHOOL!

AND AND AND. electic light orchestra is FKING AMAZING. they make me
happy like no other band

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 17:02:02 GMT

fkign cops keep crampin my style
2nd damn time this week

this first full week home has been
entirely too insane
but we all very well know
i'm insane so it all works out

i miss matt and duffy
and there gone for so long :(
and we keep missing eachothers
calls

well the end for now

OH AND

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEXA!!!!

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 05:36:36 GMT

im going to sum up my adventures from the last 2 days

wednesday:
- stayed home till construction people left
+ went to matts for a BBQ
- left to go get beer
--- got denyed the beer
almost a + went to get weed
- waited FOREVER
+ go to my house
-------- power goes out
-fire alarm goes off
- andrew christie and jyll run outa the house
- key locked in house
----- cell fones and cigs adn life locked in car
- chased down people for cell fones
+/- finaly got abck to matts
no one beleived us

Thursday:
- wake up at 9
+ get coffee
+/- pick up matt andrew and eric (they wouldnt wake up lol)
+ beach
+ drank
+ smoked
-- cops came
- they took names
- almost got arrested
+ im calm and lie well to cops
+ a friend wanted to be in the NYPD
+ got off the hook
+ got tanned
++ smoked with the group and more
- christie and dan are fighting
- duffy leaves tomorrow for 10 days
-- matts leaving saturday but is mad at me for some reason
+ me and dan are talkign again
++++ me and richie lzol makes me happy so i made it a plus :D

SOOOOOO
these past days have been crazy
i want things back to the old days
when everyone got along
booo for silly undeeded drama

OKAY. so tomorrow i have no idea whats happening
all i know is im getting waisted no matter what.

songs of the day:
TRYIN TO CATCH ME RYDIN DIRTY
STYLL DRE
AND MR> BLUE SKY

SLEEP PLZ.
night