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[23 May 2008|09:18pm] |
for the first time in 6 years
i finally quit smoking
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| walkin on down to the burial ground, its a very old dance, with a merry old sound |
[14 Jan 2008|03:58am] |
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its weird
i've made so many friends up here
but i couldnt be more lonely
this place is really taking a toll
on me
new york is starting to drain away my spirit
and what the fuck else do i have besides that.
the second the summer hits
ill be home again
i just cant fit in here
its too fast, people are too mean,
its entirely too chold
theres not enough clear water
and i dont wanna become a bitter person
florida's where i need to be
we like being 4 steps behind
i like being at the beach
all day everyday
before work and after work
it kept me sane
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[30 Dec 2007|02:43pm] |
sooooooo every weekend since i started working at applebees, we get out around 2 in the morning, either go to the bar or smoke mad blunts and do stupid shit like hot wire tractors and such
but last night i would have to say i over did it.
my second time ever throwing up from drinking was
at a party of all applebees people (cuase we all
seclude ourselves from anyone else over the weekends)
and i was on the 7th shot and i did tell everyone
i shouldnt take this last shot but they were
like noo u got this doo it... so 3 more shots
later i was with some poeple having sexay fun
and someone freaked out and thats when my
body decided it was time :(
but n e ways DISCO BISCUITS TOMORROW!
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE
I HOPE EVERYONE IS GONNA BE AS
FUCKED UP AS I WILL BE!
<3
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[14 Jul 2007|11:22am] |
house to self for a week
summer is so refreshing
party hard :D
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[09 Jun 2007|12:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
new linkin park : / |
] |
well i started off here alone
i might as well leave here alone
but i will leave with the good times in
mind, where ever they went anyways.
school ends in 2 days.
i cant fking wait to get outta here
so all you orlando dwellers
ill see you in 3 weeks
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[18 May 2007|09:27am] |
tomorrows my birthday!!!
wohooooo!!!!
popopopopoooop.
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[07 May 2007|01:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
this month was suppost to be the best month ever
so far, i got a ticket for speeding and 6 pnts on my lisence
a really bad car accident and it wasnt even my fault
so i dont have to really worry abou the lisence anyways
dads not helping out with rent anymore so im broke
and am gonna have to work my asssss off this summer....
best 18th birthday ever
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[16 Mar 2007|09:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
I'm realizing my patterns.
they need to stop.
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[02 Jan 2007|02:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
i miss you - blink |
] |
4 years ago,
when i thought things were out of control,
i would have never guessed that i would
ever wish i was back there again.
i will always have shit with my family
so i wasted my time stressing about that.
everything was perfect then.
the best friend, the best boyfriend, the grades.
i wish i didnt move
im glad i did move
i cant tell what to think anymore.
all this life has led up to so far
is 3074893757 heart breaks
and 43875983759843 let downs
and 4087578374589 good times
and 39423594 bad times.
i dont know where im going with this
or anything.
i wanna go back to florida
im scared to leave some people here
i know im expectinggg stupid things in florida
i know im expecting stupid things here
i know im making myself not want to go
i know im making myself want to go
when do things get clear again?
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[01 Jan 2007|02:40pm] |
This winter break has been fun.
Alexa cameee and we had soo much fun.
i miss her so much.
new years was awesome.
we all drank champaigne when the ball droppped
andddd daniel and i shared a new years kiss :D.
i've been drastically thinking about the fking
future and heres what i came up with.
i didnt get into new paltz or UCF sooo.
im gonna stay up here and live with daniel or matt
and get a job and just work for a year
then move back to floridaaaaaaa and maybe get into
cosmetology.
the future is scary when you have no fking idea
what youll be doing.
every year its been layed out.
summer, school, summer, school.....
now its summmer and I HAVE NO IDEA!.
whatever though. hopefully it all turns out well.
ima go eat some ihoppp with my daniel <3.
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[22 Nov 2006|07:43pm] |
AND.
heres alittle reminder of summer.
i misss summmerr!
( BEER. )
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| I JUST CANT CAREEE ANYMOREEE |
[24 Oct 2006|07:52pm] |
i dont even know where to start.
me and rich have been done for a while.
we dont talk. ever.
i got close to matt and little dan again
me and dan got raelly close lol.
diffrent story though.
my mom knows i smoke and drink and have sex.
its too awkward...
today she foudn this 10 bag i had lost like 3
weeks ago which is super funny cuase i quit
everything friday.... so that ouwld happen.
and she came in and was like.... welll
saying all this shit how she knows ima fk up
and i said how ive been doing shti sicne 7th
grade and its all her fault for tgiving me
a shitty fking childhood
and she said something abitu how she doesnt smoke
weed and cigs and drink... and i was like
WELL YOU SHOULD>>> MAYBE YOU WOULD FKING CHILL OUT
LOALOZLOZLZLZOLZOZOL. amde me giggle.
shes a fkign asshole
and then like 15 mins later she comes up and was
like.... its not like i hate you you know.. and i was
liek wlel you basically jsut called me the biggest failure...
and she goesss "well atleast you cant make anymore mistakes"
liek trying to cover up for it.
this all makes me laugh
i was saying hwo its nto fair that she knows my older bro
does it in college and she doesnt care.... and i wa slike
its so much worse when ur in college cayse you can get kicked
out and get arrested.. and i said.. its better i try and get
over all the experimenting thing now while i wont get
kicked out of anywhrere and while i cant go to jail...
ugh...
SOOOOO
overalll!
i like sex
i like drugs
i like drinking
i love friends
i love food
and i smile way too much
and im happy and not
too much of a mess up
so im fcking finaly content
and im not changing.
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| im drunk and high and empty. |
[13 Oct 2006|11:07pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
remembering never of course |
] |
i hide my tears well
behind smiles.
ive had enough
ive been worn down
and broken down
and im done.
my entire home life is yelling
why should my boyfriend just
add to the list.
i dont do anything wrong
to deserve this 24/7.
im tired of hiding
im tired of tricking myself
about how this is all working
i still care emensley for him
but i cant deal with this anymore
i know this is the first time
anyone from new york has
seen me without a smile
and everyone knows and can see
whats wrong.
so i called for a break
and he just took it
i want to be his friend obviously
but well see how things work.
i was honost
look how far this gets me
im obviosuly heart broken
telling him we need to take a
break was the hardest thing
but i can only be worn down
so much.
this isnt working.]
this love thing sucks
and it seems
love is just a feeling
that apprently goes away
becuse god knows how many
times ive heard love you
and then
yah we need to break up.
when i say i love you i always
mean it and everyone ive
said it too i will awlays love
forever even if
they dont love me back
love is a burden...
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| he was suppost to call you, waited all night by the fone, you are doing this to yourself |
[23 Sep 2006|08:35am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
im really tired of stuff.
i figured out when im done with highschool
i just want to leave
and pack light
cause i want to be able to leave whenever
i want
so i only want as many person items that
can fit in a packpack
i dont like my family
there is a good portion of my past
i would love to forget about
so this year better fly by fast
so i can too
and leave this shit behind
bye
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| her eyes are always open, devoted to prefection.... through silence |
[06 Sep 2006|06:23pm] |
SOOOO.
today was the first day of skewl
my odd days will kick so much ass
once i drop enviormental and get
caligraphy? (no idea how to spell that)
im alittle nervous for english tomorrow
just cause i know its gonna be hard with
the term paper and all but w.evs.
AND
today was my first day working at the
toy store! it kicks so much ass. i get
7.50 an hour to sit there and play with
toys and occasionally ring things up.
i love it. theres some really dumb person
who works there and IIII cant even carry
a convo with her cause shes so stupid.
but whatever. still fun :D.
so today was so much better
then i anticipated
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[28 Aug 2006|11:40pm] |
( survey plz )
i love
hanging out
down the street
the same old thing
i did last week
with not a thing to do
BUT TALKL TO YOU
were all alright!
i really do love doing that
i love being with richie
he makes me complete
and i love my friends
and this is so fun
but im mad my mom wont
let me go camping with the guys
im actually really dissapointed .
i reallly really wanted to go.
but ima make danny stay home
with me so its okay
and rich is leaving AGAIN.
BOOOOO,
AND. my schedual for senior year
sucks. im dropping 5 classes...
BECAUSE I DIDNT EVEN SIGN UP FOR THEM
OR NEED THEM FOR THAT MATTER.
i was suppost to haev 3 periods
of early release to work.
but here it is
even:
1. fking AP/IB art - cooley. I SUCK AT ART.
2. gym - bove?
3. eng - finn?
4. eng - ^
5. LUNCH - dropping. but good for now cause i have it with cool people
6. AP enviormental - cochrane. WTF. i didnt even sign up for this
7. pastry chef - Kapaun
8. horticulture - Guercia
9. early release
odd:
1. art again - cooley
2. economics - kaminicki
3. ^
4. lucnh
5. enviormental again
6. AND AGAIN! why do i need 3 periods of this?! i didnt even sign up for ONE!
7. pastry chef AGAIN. WTF. i absolutly do NOT needa be eatng this much
8. horticulture AGAIN. WTF MATE.
9. early release.
alright so 6 classes.
which are going to turn
in 3 peiods of fkign early realse
every damn day!
BAHHHH
its nesisary for senior year
to be amamzing
and if these calsses dotn change
iam kick some asss
PEACE
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[23 Aug 2006|11:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
RHCP |
] |
( life )
had to make a pic update.
my fone just died and
i was talkng to my richie
and now im sad.
i got really REALLY long
hore nails.
tomorrow is my last day before
omishville
were going to the big
roosevelt feild mall
hope i get goodies
today i was in the weirdest mood
at night
im never like not hyper and giddy
but tonight i just wasnt in the mood
to do anything
but we were already out gettting our
damn senior decals to park at skewl
and i dont even get to paint a damn
spot lol.
oh well.
i must leave to open the dooor for
danny in the moring and shower
and get pretty and shit
peaceee
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as_the_roots's journal
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chipper
